It's how I felt about Coach this morning.
I should start with this. Coach Liz is amazing.
Right now, she has me doing workouts like I've never done before. I've never even done them with her before. We've been together now 18 months.
The hardest part about what I'm doing now is that not every workout is going to feel like a success. Not every workout is even going to look like a success.
Missing intervals, feeling really shaky, like I can't even stand on my own power, having to walk for part of my run recoveries, sometimes it can take a toll on my confidence.
I think, "How am I going to do this? How can this all come together on race day, when I can't even make the interval?"
I know it's particularly hard because we are hitting the bike harder than we ever have in the past. She also has me strength training several days a week. Running and swimming are pretty normal....in Liz's definition of normal.
My days are filled with multiple runs and bikes, only to turn around and do another set the next day.
You know you're going hard, when masters swimming is the easiest day of the week.
She has me train "blind" with no heart rate monitor. She has me run without knowing my paces.
How hard can you push when you don't know how hard you're pushing?
A few years back, I don't know, it was before working with Liz. I remember saying that I'm absolutely maxed out with 12 hours of training. Now, my Oly training volume matches what I did for my 70.3 last year. Somehow, she makes training volume feel like less. I think it's because when she puts a 2 hour workout on my plan, like today, it's a 25 minute run, 1 hour bike, 20 minute run. Within that, there are numerous intervals. I can only focus on one tiny interval at a time. Before you know it, two hours is done.
Some days, it's really hard. There are days where I need to wait until later in the day to put my notes in my log. Simply because I don't want to spout off on something that is purely emotional from being tired or slightly disappointed.
I don't know how this will all turn out, but I keep pushing through. She says jump. I say, "how high?"
I do it because I trust her. I trust her system.
I'll just have to get over the hump of doubt as I keep doing workouts that feel like I'm running into a freight train.