Monday, March 17, 2014

Lost

I woke up this morning really melancholy. I woke up missing relationships. It's not that I don't have wonderful people in my life. But I don't think there's anything wrong with missing aspects of others.

I miss the closeness of some of them. I've had (what feels) like a lot of people leaving my life. I know it's not a lot, it's just that they were people that I was close to or were beginning to be close to.

Jenny is gone. Mike is gone. My entire training group from the last year 2 years dissolved.

It just feels like a lot. I feel lost.

It doesn't matter why or how those things ended. It's the loss of having those people in my life. People who I can laugh with during hard training or races. Or email my crazy ideas. People who don't take it personally if I'm in a bad mood and don't mind listening to me ramble on about some business thing I want to do. It's not just about me either. I miss hearing about their lives. I want to know about their races and their families and their work problems.

It's more than just missing the relationship. I miss the people. I miss road tripping with them. I was thinking about my 70.3. That would have been so perfect for a road trip group. Instead, I'll be making the drive there on my own.

I miss them.

If I could, I would ask: Do you miss me? Or am I just a big baby?


4 comments:

Carolina John said...

I totally get that. It doesn't feel like it's been 5 years since I moved out of SC, but it will be this october. Kills me to realize the people I haven't talked to since the move, best friends since childhood that cut me out as "an abandoner", ugh. killing me.

Stefanie Frank said...

I get it too -- it has happened to me with close and some not as close friends. Some people I still think about and wonder how the connection got dropped. Others I had to sever, for various reasons.

Nothing wrong with feeling it.

LBTEPA said...

(((hugs)))

Pamela said...

You need new people to race with.

Or - maybe you just need to reach out to those people you used to train with. I get that your divorce from Mike was not great but that doesn't mean your training friends can't still be friends with you - does it?